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  #31  
Old 10-17-2011, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by urysohn View Post
No, sounds like he's saying you keep talking about it until she agrees to do it your way. I'd guess the "or else" part would be pretty key there.
Then that sounds like 'force' to me.
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  #32  
Old 10-17-2011, 03:01 PM
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I think the attitude in your question needs to be adjusted. IMPOSE? I'm sure it comes out in your tone of voice. I'll bet there are other areas of your relationship where she is frustrated with your dictatorial style. She may be accustomed to pushing back on you just to give herself some space not to be bossed around.

Given what I suspect is a culture of bossypantsedness in your house, I'd be asking her what you could be doing to make her life more pleasant, and perhaps she'll eventually spill about what's bothering her. Then, you can possibly steer the conversation around to your needs.

Let's face it - this is not something she needs. It's something you need. Compromise may be hard though, if imposition is your typical MO.
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  #33  
Old 10-17-2011, 03:05 PM
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I'm the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs....it's complicated but pretty awesome if you think about it.



I'm Batman!!!
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  #34  
Old 10-17-2011, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by QMO View Post
You should neither compromise nor force your preference on the other.

This is the kind of decision that you should work out until you both agree on the solution.
Probably the best advice in the thread.

I'm interested in TDA's situation, tho...
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  #35  
Old 10-17-2011, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by The Drunken Actuary View Post
That sounds a lot like compromise.
Compromise is where each party gets part of what they want and each party gives up some of what they want.

That's not at all what I suggest.

Work things out until you both really agree on the right course of action.

It's often not easy, especially if you don't have the habit.
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  #36  
Old 10-17-2011, 04:24 PM
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I'm the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs....it's complicated but pretty awesome if you think about it.



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I was thinking of posting that quote somewhere.
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  #37  
Old 10-17-2011, 04:34 PM
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Did I miss a further explanation somewhere? At least answer these: Is your wife a SAHM? General reason she can't do the work (time/kids/energy/physical limitation/etc)? Is the reason she doesn't want help because it would make her feel worse than she already does for not getting work done around the house? (Rockhound said this, but I wanted to hear it from the OP. I know this is why my wife would refuse help.)

I think those are my 3 main questions with being able to construct a decent answer.
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  #38  
Old 10-17-2011, 04:44 PM
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I understand not wanting a stranger in the house. One can have issues with not wanting somebody who will go through your things (or possibly steal them, though the nosiness seems more likely to me).
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  #39  
Old 10-17-2011, 04:51 PM
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I understand not wanting a stranger in the house. One can have issues with not wanting somebody who will go through your things (or possibly steal them, though the nosiness seems more likely to me).

(Replace "I" with "My wife".)

My wife has refused free gifts of professional housecleaning because she would rather be exhausted than give up control of the housework. The idea of a stranger touching her/our stuff creeps her out. Heck, the idea of non-immediate family members touching stuff beyond the public areas of our house creeps her out. [E.g., she gets annoyed if someone decides to use the master bathroom instead of the half-bath. My step-mom does this for no apparent reason, even when the half-bath is empty.]
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  #40  
Old 10-17-2011, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Gentle Giant View Post

(Replace "I" with "My wife".)

My wife has refused free gifts of professional housecleaning because she would rather be exhausted than give up control of the housework. The idea of a stranger touching her/our stuff creeps her out. Heck, the idea of non-immediate family members touching stuff beyond the public areas of our house creeps her out. [E.g., she gets annoyed if someone decides to use the master bathroom instead of the half-bath. My step-mom does this for no apparent reason, even when the half-bath is empty.]
uhh which throne is bigger and more comfortable and more porcelainy imo
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